I feel like I have experienced a fair share of trials in my life and everyone is always commenting on how strong I am, but every time a new trial arises, strength is definitely not what I feel. They say that it'll only make me stronger...I'll pass on that please! I don't want to be "stronger."
I can handle being sick and all that comes with it. I might not like all the doctors appointments or being touched and definitely not being told what to do but it's a trial that I can handle. I can handle being stressed or not having enough money. What I can't seem to handle are trials of emotion. When I love someone and can't be with them or a family and not be wanted. These are the trials that I can't wrap my head around and I just can't even begin to understand them.
I really feel like the Lord is testing my faith right now. He has asked me to be patient, He has asked me to trust Him, He has asked me to have more faith....I hope I can. I hope that I can be the person that He needs and wants me to be through these trials.
I find myself leaning towards anger and frustration but I am so GRATEFUL of my testimony of this wonderful Gospel. I am not doing so well but I can find peace in the promptings and answers He has given me and I have a hope in His plan for me. Life changes so quickly, people change so quickly but the Gospel and His plan are ever so firm. I wish that I could do a better job of remembering that in the small moments of heartache but I do know that it is true.
I love Him, I trust Him. He has a plan for me and it's really that simple....ok, it should be that simple, but, unfortunately, I am human and I still have fears and emotions. Thank goodness He is so patient with me! His son, Jesus Christ, suffered for the pains that I am feeling and I know that I can overcome anything because He has already done it for me. I am grateful for General Conference and I look forward to hearing from the Prophet and Apostles and finding things that I can improve on because boy are there many!!
I love this Gospel and I don't know how I would get through my trials without my testimony. I may hurt and I may be down but my knowledge in His Gospel will keep me going and, for this, I am grateful.
